25 and Growing

Growing up, my parents always encouraged me to be whatever it was I wanted to be.

Granted, at 12 I wanted to be a lawyer, so my parents felt like they had no worries. They were wrong. At 13 I decided I wanted to be an actress because drama class was “so much fun.” 

Truly, the moment I stepped on stage, I felt alive like never before. So, by the time high school was over I decided I wanted to study theatre. My mom decided I should study something else as well, meanwhile I “earned my Oscar.” So, I got two bachelor’s degrees, one in Theatre and one in Marketing.

At 25, I still don’t have an Oscar but I also don’t want to be an actress anymore. 

I always lived my life seeing people who knew what they wanted to do since they were kids. My sister, my biggest role model, wanted to be a mechanical engineer since she was a kid (just like my dad), now you can find her in Microsoft’s offices. My best friend always said she wanted to be a nurse, and you can find her in a New York hospital right now. Another one of my best friends is busting her rear end in college right now working on an architecture project, because she is so in love with her career. Am I flawed because I am different? 

The truth is, I enjoyed studying Marketing and Theatre. I learned and grew so much with each degree. Yet, from the moment of graduation onwards, I’ve jumped from job to job wondering “where is my place?” This was until I hit the cold, hard wall of unemployment. 

Luckily, I have very loving and supportive parents who helped me financially through my six months of unemployment. Luckily, I was able to help myself in my head place. Six months of introspection can do a lot for a person. I went from being someone that searched for her place to realizing, maybe I need to create my own place. I observed, experienced, and wrote every single day.

We’re all so different in this planet. We all have a purpose. 

I can’t say I’m enlightened and I know my purpose, at all. But I have learned a thing or two about myself, like: 
• There’s many more options than what’s on the table and it’s my job to create those.
• I don’t need a “career” to have a “place” on this planet.
• I’m so much younger than I think I am.

It’s so easy to feel left behind when you check your social media accounts and see all of your old friends with babies and husbands and wives and houses and jobs and companies that they’ve built from scratch – good for them! That’s theirs to enjoy. I will find whatever is mine on my own time. That goes for everyone.

Lastly, my favorite thing I’ve realized about myself… I miss my own company so much. I was so concerned with what everyone did and what everyone expected that I fell into the trap of doing what others expect, which often meant no time for me. And having time for myself meant that I got to fall in love with myself again. I got to read, I got to write, I got to eat and drink wine and travel, all at the same time! My favorite Friday nights are spent at home with my dogs, my favorite playlist, and my laptop, typing away until I run out of things to say. 

If you ask me today what am I doing? I have a 9 to 5. Does that define me? Not at all. I’m working on creating, not finding, my own place in this world by writing and communicating.

And yes, my parents gave up hope on law school (or an Academy Award), but they still encourage me to be whoever I want to be. And who I want to be is limitless and ever changing.

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